Give Me Freedom

We have had a beautiful stretch of weather. And when I say stretch, I mean 4 days in a row, which in Nova Scotia is akin to a miracle since the weather has a way of changing every five minutes. The problem with this is that you can sense Spring in the air.

That's right, I said problem.

You see, as soon as the weather improves, I get antsy. Big time antsy. As in I want to quit my day job, jump in my car and just drive and drive and drive until I’m so far away I don’t know where I am anymore. Granted with my sense of direction that would take me all of five minutes to achieve but you know what I mean. I want my freedom. I crave it. And it is a daily chore to not say ‘to hell with everything’ and chase after it like my very life depended on it.

That’s not to say I’d chuck everything. I’d keep my house and the hot guy living in it. The dog would stay. Maybe what I really crave is the freedom from responsibility. I know I’m a Capricorn and responsibility is deeply encoded into our astrological DNA, but I must have a recessive gene in there somewhere. The psychic I go to every year told me I have a progressed Sagittarius in my chart which makes me a bit of a gypsy. Maybe that’s what causes this need to throw caution to the wind and hit the open road.

Whatever it is, once the weather even hints at getting warmer, or someone mouths the words 'my crocuses have started to bloom' I have to start reminding myself that I have a mortgage to pay and debt to get rid of and a car payment due and until I can make a living from writing I have to keep slogging away at the salt mines.

But I’m not happy about. Not happy at all.

I think if I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't have tied myself down so much. I would have left my ability to get up and go where and when I please more open.

Sigh...hindsight...it's a hell of a thing.

Lemons Into Lemonade

I’m feeling good today. I think the initial shock of what was going on last week has settled in and become less of an emergency and more of an ‘okay, let’s deal with this thing’. Someone close to me was diagnosed with an illness that while serious, is also very treatable and curable, and now that the treatment is underway I think it feels a little more like there is forward motion. It’s a long road ahead, but at least we’re on the road now and not pulled off to the side. So I feel good about that and very positive about the eventual outcome. While I’m not so naïve I don’t expect there will be some bumps along the road, we’ll navigate those as they come.

To further brighten my mood today, as I was sitting on the couch writing birds landed right outside my window and began chirping and for those few brief moments, despite the snow dumped on us Monday, I felt spring in the air and the promise of brighter days on the horizon.

The puppy is doing well with my boss, though he says his dog may be crossing me off his Christmas Card list. He keeps looking at the puppy trying to figure out what she is, why she is and when she’s leaving. She has been renamed Bailey, which was actually the name of the dog I grew up with.

The writing is back on track after getting sidelined for a week and I’m nearing the end of the first round of revisions and pleased with how things turned out.

I’m thinking of changing the look of the blog too. I’m in the mood for something a bit lighter, more spring-like.

And I can’t get that song ‘grey skies are going to clear up’ out of my head. The only problem with that is that the second part I can’t remember, all I can remember is the commercial. So I have ‘grey skies are going to clear up, put on a Windex shine’ stuck on repeat in my cranium. Oiy.