The Sleep Deprived

Sorry I've been horribly absent. I had been battling a four week bout of insomnia. I was getting some sleep each night, but it was sporadic and broken up, probably totaling about 3 hours a night. Ugh. By week four I was completely brain-fried, muttering gibberish and stopping halfway through sentences because I had completely lost track of what I was saying. But instead of things gradually getting better like they normally do, or crashing out of sheer exhaustion which is usually my second option, the sleepless nights just kept dragging on and the amount of sleep I was getting growing shorter. Something had to give. Finally I broke down and purchased a bottle of valerian to see if that would work. It did. I took it the first night and slept like a baby.

So now, with several nights of good sleep under my belt, I feel human again. I missed a few days of writing because what I was getting down was horrible and I couldn't concentrate on what I was doing. So in favor of not destroying my manuscript, I decided to step away from it. Today was my first day back. I felt a little rusty but I managed to finish the scene I had been struggling with.

Thanks for the kind words on the poem too. I love writing poetry but I've been away from it lately. I'd like to start up again and get back into it.

Meanwhile, we have our annual potluck and gift grab at work today. I'm thankful for the distraction. Today is the six month anniversary of Coop's death. I keep thinking it should be getting easier by now, but strangely it isn't. I still miss her horribly. I find myself restless a lot lately. I am finding I have too much spare time on my hands where I used to have things that I did with her. Now I just rattle around the house feeling at odds like I should be doing something but I'm not quite sure what.

As for the holidays, I am shuttling between my brother's for Christmas Eve dinner, then my parents house for Christmas morning to open presents, then down to my sister's in the afternoon for Christmas dinner and the opening of our socks (we draw names every year of who does whose sock and then open them together). My parents wanted me to spend the night at their place on Christmas Eve, but I put my foot down on that one. Coop and I always spent Christmas Eve at my place and sat in front of a fire with the tree lit watching our annual holiday movie - Love Actually. I'm going to stick with that ritual this year, just minus the Cooper part. I think with all the insanity of kids and family that will happen between the 24th to 26th, I'll need as many pockets of solitude as I can find to maintain my sanity.