Thursday, October 04, 2007

Letting Myself Off The Hook

Writing is supposed to be fun. Hard, sure, but still fun. I was not having fun this week. I kept watching myself getting further and further behind schedule, even the reworked schedule and then spent the day beating myself up over it. I just sooooo desperately want to finish this manuscript this week and have it done with. But that just isn't going to happen. Which made me really angry at myself.

By Wednesday I was dreading going back at it and the day felt like a dismal failure writing-wise. Not to mention, my back was killing me.

Last night, after crawling into bed creatively and emotionally exhausted (beating yourself up is hard work!), I lay there for a bit and asked myself what the heck I was doing? There was no reason to be mad. I couldn't help it if my body decided after four consecutive hours in a chair my back and butt were going to kick up a storm and make it near impossible to sit for much longer. And if my creative brain only had a three hour life span to it before needing to be recharged, then that was just the way things were. No sense trying to force it and then only having to later rewrite the crap I threw down. I promised myself the next day I would just take it easy. I would go down at my normal time and if my back started bothering me or my creative brain said 'okay, done for the day', then I was just going to stop.

I woke up feeling refreshed and went down to the computer at 8 am. I finished writing at noon. Four hours without back pain and without feeling like I was pulling teeth to get the words down on paper. Granted, I only wrote one scene, but it was a big one - the first major love scene. And even better, I really like how it ended up reading. I finished up my writing today feeling relieved and accomplished. Much better.

Am I going to finish the manuscript this week? No. But, going at the rate I am now, I will have it done by the end of October, maybe a little earlier. And that's okay. It will still be finished in time to enter into the GH and for me to do Nanowrimo. Which right now sounds like a bit of a godsend, just to write flat out and not worry about anything more than having fun telling a story. As much as I love the series I'm working on, the intrigue storyline and the four sets of characters and the set up required to make everything flow seamlessly through four books is exhausting! I need the break to just write for fun before I dive into the second book in the series.

As for which story I'll do for Nano? I'm thinking I'll dig out the western I had the idea for during Jo Beverley's visit to our chapter. It keeps popping up in my thoughts and watching 3:10 to Yuma and seeing the trailer for The Assassination of Jesse James reminded me of how much I love writing the Old West.

10 comments:

Annie Mac said...

Just remember - it takes time to create greatness.

Stacy Dawn said...

good for you!....for some people (like me LOL) that realization takes a loooooong time.

Lexi said...

Yes, do what makes you feel comfortable. So what if it takes you a little longer than you'd planned. You're making progress, aren't you? THAT'S the most important thing.

maxx said...

You're so hard on yourself. We need to discuss this over a bottle of wine.

Tess said...

Yeah, for those of us not published, we have to balance the fun of writing with the work. And I don't think it's unusual at all for the well to run dry at about 4 hours.

Glad you found a way to forgive yourself :) The western for Nano sounds like fun. I'm still trying to decide if I should do it again this year and if I do, which story to work on.

julia said...

I'm so glad the next day worked out better than the not-much-going-right day. Sometimes when I'm writing - and mostly when it's revising - I can't sit still, I hold my head, I make little sounds of distress - no one who looked at me would think writing was fun! But then I have a good day, and life is wonderful again. I'm glad you're making it work, no matter what revamped schedule you've got.

Christine d'Abo said...

Good for you, Kelly. I do that to myself too. When I just relax and enjoy learning about the story as I write, I find I get a lot more done.

The western sounds like a fantastic idea. NaNo will be fun this year. :)

Dixie Belle said...

I'm thinking of seeing Yuma again this weekend. It is still showing here. And thanks for the heads up on Rescue Dawn. I need to be writing like a demon on my Western!!

Julie S said...

Glad your week is getting better! I agree, a break where you write something just for fun sounds like a good idea. I should try that.

Melissa Marsh said...

We writers beat ourselves up SO MUCH. It's incredible. I'm glad you recognized the need to slow down and "find the joy" again before it got out of hand. :-)