Tuesday, September 19, 2006

The William Shatner School of Acting

I made the mistake of flicking channels last night and landed on CSI: Miami. It had the same effect as one of those car accidents you can't look away from. It's hideous, and the carnage is quite vomit inducing, but you are riveted by the horror of it and your eyes refuse to budge.

I stared in disbelief at how anyone could give David Caruso an acting job. It seems he gets worse every year. The whole thing where he stands there, feet apart, shoulders hunched, hands on his hips, head tilted at a specific angle as he does "The Stance". Over and over again. The halting way he speaks his dialogue, as if it took actual thought to whip off that pithy badly written prose. The affected way he pulls off his sunglasses then puts them back on again - while he's inside! Sort of reminds me of Oscar Goldman from The Six Million Dollar Man, the way he would whip off his sunglasses any time something important happened. Although Oscar was way more cool.

Oh and last night was the worst. Every time Caruso and his sister-in-law were in the same room they had to play that painfully bad music and move in slow motion. Oohh yeah. Sexy. And then the knife fight? What was that?? I felt like I was watching a clumsy version of the dance scene from West Side Story. I started humming The Jets and snapping my fingers. I almost wished they'd show up, anything to save me from the agony of having to watch the sloppily choreographed and badly acted scene with its pat one liner at the end which I think was suppose to be dramatic but just ended up sounded really, really stupid.

Now don't get me wrong. I love CSI. The original is still good (except I wish Sarah would take a fast drop off the nearest Nevada cliff) and CSI New York has Gary Sinise and is probably the most intelligent of the three although he's the only one of the characters worth watching in my estimation. And there are even a couple characters from Miami that I like - Callie and the young cop guy. But I don't know how anyone gets through an entire hour watching the rest of them, especially David Caruso. It is the worst display of bad writing, acting and directing ever rolled into one package.

And don't even get me started on the lighting (hey let's make everyone gold!)... oiy vey....

13 comments:

Maxx said...

I am SO with you. I don't understand for one second how that show has survived with that cheese ball and his sunglasses ruining every scene he's within 10 feet off. I don't know anyone that watches that show that can fathom why he is still there. He is a joke.

Melissa Marsh said...

I don't watch CSI. Well, I don't watch tv at all - I'll watch a movie or two on the weekends, though.

Brenda Oig said...

What a perfect description! lol I watched it last night only to get my CSI fix until Las Vegas and NY are back on and it was in a word painful. I can't understand why people like David Caruso (if in fact they do!). The knife fight...I was speechless (with horror).

Tess said...

I watch it for the camp factor, and cause I like some of the secondary characters.

I gave up on CSI last year, but do like what I've seen of CSI:NY.

We watched Studio 60 On the Sunset Strip last night and it was pretty good.

Kelly said...

And I can't believe I missed Studio 60. It was THE one show I wanted to see for sure and I totally spazzed out. But I think they are showing it on CTV on Sunday so hopefully I can catch it again.

Anne M said...

LOL, whenever my kids do something and don't own up to it, I threaten to call in Horatio to check for DNA at the scene. Then I try to do that head tilt thing and quote some lines. The first five times I did it they laughed. Now, not so much.

Julie S said...

David Caruso. Isn't the reason he's famous in the first place because he's the first sucker to show his bare butt on network television? Sad.

Rene said...

But please, tell us how you really feel about David Caruso, don't be shy.

I don't watch any of those shows. I watch "House" and that's about it for mainstream. I do watch "Desperate Housewives" although my interest is waning.

Shelli Stevens said...

LOL. i don't watch it anymore, CSI, but I saw the florida one once and had the same gag reflex reaction. He can't act, and isn't good enough eye candy to make up for the fact.

Lexi said...

Woohoo! Other people agree with my opinions of Caruso! I've never watched Miami, I watched NY once just for Sinise and I used to love the original CSI. But what's up with Grissom and Sara? I HATE her. Absolutely hate her.

Anonymous said...

I've actually done some acting. That ain't what Caruso is doing. I am on the same page w/u. I hear that a body washed up near the set. Too bad it wasn't Caruso. I'm a Callie fan (Former West Wing) Try drinking before the show, it makes him hillarious and the rest of the cast fun to watch.

Kelly said...

I heard there is a drinking game involved with this show. It has to do with the coroner though. But I think you should have to take a shot every time Caruso does something annoying. Which should have you plastered within the first 15 minutes.

J said...

hehehe,
googled "cheesy david caruso one liners" ...18000 hits... I think he is the cheesiest thing I have ever seen, sorry Cheetos cheeta guy
18000 hits, hehehe
J