So needless to say, anyone who has checked the Golden Heart list to see who made the finals has realized I was not on the long historical list. Anywhere. No matter how many times I stared at it certain I was seeing it wrong. Perhaps it was simply a dyslexic moment and I rearranged the letters of my name to look like someone else's. But no, sadly, such was not the case. I did not make the cut.
Que sera. I wallowed in the indignity of it all for about twenty minutes and then was overtaken by a strange fit of the giggles brought on by separate conversations with my sister and Maxx. Perhaps it was the sudden release of the tension built up waiting to see the outcome, I have no idea, but lordy I couldn't stop. I thought they were going to kick me out of my pod.
Once again, rejection did not have the impact I thought it would. I was disappointed that my manuscript didn't final, but it wasn't devastating. I still believe the manuscript is good, I still believe in the story, the characters and that one day it will be published. Maybe if I wasn't as sure about my own writing as I am, it would have hurt more, but if anything, not making the finals only spurred me to prove I can. It reminded me of when I was a kid and someone told me I couldn't do something. My first reaction was always 'oh yeah, well watch this.'
It was the same reaction I had on Friday when my name wasn't listed among the finalists. So keep your lovely parting gifts. I'm not going anywhere.