My house is in a state of disarray that would completely ruin my reputation as a neat freak were anyone to see it. Even cooking, which I hate to do on a good day, has fallen by the wayside. In the past week my diet has consisted of popcorn, chocolate bars and Vector cereal. Somehow it has seemed easier of late to grab something on the fly, or throw something on an already existing pile, promising myself I'll get to it later. Then later never comes, or it gets put off, because after all, isn't that what 'later' is? A point in time that never arrives?
I get two days to myself each week. Two days away from the hideous boredom of my day job. The idea of spending any of that time doing more drudge work seems to send me into a tailspin. There are books to read, movies to see, more scenes to write. Am I suppose to jump up and woo hoo over the prospect of spending even 5 minutes of that time bent over a toilet, scrubbing it clean?
I know it has to be done. My writing room is becoming a fire hazard with so many loose sheets of paper floating about to the point I don't even remember what most of them are. My kitchen table is covered in more piles, of what I couldn't say. Mail maybe, a mother's day card, I believe there is even a bag of flower bulbs.
How can one area of my life be running so smoothly and the other be spiraling out of control? And is it out of control? Or is this normal? Is this just my neat freakness making more of something than it truly is? Or if I leave it, will I become like some shut-in they profile on the news after their death? Lost and decayed between stacks of Time magazines from decades past. Not really the auspicious ending I had hoped for, but hey, memorable nonetheless.
I'm also wondering how long I can stretch this post on for before the disciplined side of my brain kicks my arse into gear and forces me to start cleaning something at least. Probably not long. There is a hacked apart love scene from Chp 21 that has overwhelmed me for the past week. If I start to clean now, I can avoid facing the shambles I've made of that.
I can exchange one mess for another. Funny how that works.