The Single Person's Rant

It has been brought to my attention that I have no family. No, really. I kid you not (no pun intended). But in the last week, in a few different ways I, as a single person, have been notified that I have no family. Imagine my surprise.

It started off when I inserted a new picture of my nephew to replace an older one on my desk. Someone passed by my pod and saw me doing this and made the innocuous comment that that's what single people do, they put pictures of other people's family on their desk because they have none of their own. They were just making a joke of course, although they seemed to have a bit of difficulty laughing after I rammed my stapler down their throat.

And then again yesterday, when asked what I did for the weekend, I mentioned that I had for the first time in a long time, enjoyed the benefits of a Nothing Weekend.

A Nothing Weekend, they said? I explained the concept to them. They screwed up their face (not a good look for them by the way) and said, uh...you're single and have no family...aren't all your weekends a Nothing Weekend? It's not like you have responsibilities or anything.

Unfortunately, I had yet to retrieve my stapler from the other offending individual's throat, and with nothing else at hand, this person, I'm sad to say, got away with little more than a tongue lashing, and not the kind you pay to see on cable either.

I don't have a family? I have a mother, father, brother, sister, nephew, niece, sister-in-law, brother-in-law to be, Nugget (the baby of indeterminate gender currently residing in my sister...), my dog, and a best friend. I have grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. But apparently, because I have yet to marry and because I chose not to have children - I have no family, no responsibility.

I have no responsibilities? Now forgive me, but I wasn't aware that not getting married and giving birth precluded you from swimming in the responsibility pool. I mean, all these years I've labored under the responsibility of caring for my dog, putting a roof over my head, a vehicle in my driveway, paying my bills, being there for my family when needed (you know, the one I apparently don't have). I've taken on the responsibility of charity projects, the executive committee of my RWA chapter, critique partners. I've worked with deadlines, both definite and vague; I've kept up with the housework, the yard work, shoveling of the driveway when it snowed, showing up for work every morning whether I wanted to or not.

Well now they tell me. Now I find out, all these years later, that I didn't have to do any of this. Because I have no family and therefore I am absolved of living a life of responsibility. Well...this certainly would have come in handy years ago before I took it all on. Why am I just getting the memo on this now? Who is responsible for this oversight??

Grrr...I have no family...some people are just too stupid to live. I glared at them as they slunk from the room once the tongue lashing had ended, my upper lip curled into a snarl that would have made Billy Idol proud. My eyes narrowed. Burst into flames, burst into flames...