Tuesday, August 23, 2005

The Single Person's Rant

It has been brought to my attention that I have no family. No, really. I kid you not (no pun intended). But in the last week, in a few different ways I, as a single person, have been notified that I have no family. Imagine my surprise.

It started off when I inserted a new picture of my nephew to replace an older one on my desk. Someone passed by my pod and saw me doing this and made the innocuous comment that that's what single people do, they put pictures of other people's family on their desk because they have none of their own. They were just making a joke of course, although they seemed to have a bit of difficulty laughing after I rammed my stapler down their throat.

And then again yesterday, when asked what I did for the weekend, I mentioned that I had for the first time in a long time, enjoyed the benefits of a Nothing Weekend.

A Nothing Weekend, they said? I explained the concept to them. They screwed up their face (not a good look for them by the way) and said,
uh...you're single and have no family...aren't all your weekends a Nothing Weekend? It's not like you have responsibilities or anything.

Unfortunately, I had yet to retrieve my stapler from the other offending individual's throat, and with nothing else at hand, this person, I'm sad to say, got away with little more than a tongue lashing, and not the kind you pay to see on cable either.

I don't have a family? I have a mother, father, brother, sister, nephew, niece, sister-in-law, brother-in-law to be, Nugget (the baby of indeterminate gender currently residing in my sister...), my dog, and a best friend. I have grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. But apparently, because I have yet to marry and because I chose not to have children - I have no family, no responsibility.

I have no responsibilities? Now forgive me, but I wasn't aware that not getting married and giving birth precluded you from swimming in the responsibility pool. I mean, all these years I've labored under the responsibility of caring for my dog, putting a roof over my head, a vehicle in my driveway, paying my bills, being there for my family when needed (you know, the one I apparently don't have). I've taken on the responsibility of charity projects, the executive committee of my RWA chapter, critique partners. I've worked with deadlines, both definite and vague; I've kept up with the housework, the yard work, shoveling of the driveway when it snowed, showing up for work every morning whether I wanted to or not.

Well now they tell me. Now I find out, all these years later, that I didn't have to do any of this. Because I have no family and therefore I am absolved of living a life of responsibility. Well...this certainly would have come in handy years ago before I took it all on. Why am I just getting the memo on this now? Who is responsible for this oversight??

Grrr...I have no family...some people are just too stupid to live. I glared at them as they slunk from the room once the tongue lashing had ended, my upper lip curled into a snarl that would have made Billy Idol proud. My eyes narrowed. Burst into flames, burst into flames...

13 comments:

Erin said...

Once you retrieve your stapler, go after the 'no responsibilities' person with it. Oy. People who feel that a spouse & children are the only way to justify their own existence really can be annoying.

Or, at least, the children are. Oddly enough, I've noticed that most married folks tend to ditch having pics of their significant others on their desks, once they have kids.

It's like they're saying "Oh well, he fathered my children/she bore my children...they've done their job and are no longer important enough to be pictured on my desk".

Rather sad & pathetic, really...

And if you feel you need any farm tools to handle the people that tell you that single people with no kids have no responsibilities, just let me know...I'll help cover the costs. ;)

Erin said...

Ack! And why are you up at 4:20am, posting in your blog???

Tess said...

Kelly - GRRRRRRRRRRRR! How can people be soooooo a) insensitive and b) judgemental. Family is far more than spouse and child. But Sean and I have heard the same thing - we have no family because we don't (and actually can't) have children!

And let's not even go into responsibilities inherent in home ownership/pets/job etc.

I'd have shoved more than a stapler into that jerk.

Peggy said...

LOL, Kelly, you crack me up. Can't wait for your books to come to print!

Maxx said...

You're right. Some people are indeed too stupid to live. Working with the public on a daily basis for the last 20 or so odd (and I stress *odd*) years it still flabberghasts me the things that come out of people's mouths. I've come to the conclusion that 90% of the people walking around on this planet do not understand the words they are using. They do not take a moment to ponder if the word(s) that will be spilling forth from their flapping lips are indeed the ones they want to use to convey their intended sentiment. Either that or they're just too stupid to realize they're idiots with no grasp of the english language.

Kelly said...

Erin...I'm sad to say the time has come to invest in some reading glasses. At 4:20 am I was snoozing soundly and probably snoring noisily. I posted at 8:20 AM. Silly girl...

Jill said...

People are unthinking idiots!

ces said...

Who was it?

There is so much i could say about being a single gal with no family...of course it's total crap, but you know that there are times when you have felt it: "you're on you're own kiddo, we have our own lives to handle".

ugh.

Melissa Marsh said...

Darn, Kelly, sorry you had to deal with that.

Kelly said...

Eh, it's not the first time. I'll leave the culprits nameless however. I don't want there to be any evidence linking back to me should they meet with an unfortunate, uh, accident. Yeah, that's it...

Erin said...

I looked at that twice, it said 4:20 when I looked at it earlier today. It does say 8:20 now. You changed it...messing with my head...I know the truth...everyone's out to get me.

Paranoia's a great quality for a demented sidekick....

Michelle said...

Man. I shouldn't laugh. But that stapler image was just great.

I say, enjoy the luxury of being able to make your own decisions to do whatever you want, whenever you want. Being single doesn't in any way mean you don't have responsibilities. They're just different, that's all. People are stupid sometimes.

kacey said...

man, remind me to never piss you off!! *g

Some people are insensitive clods. Ignore them. Or maybe, just maybe, they'll burst into flame *ggg