Tuesday, June 21, 2005

A Small Rant

Father's Day was great. The family got together for supper at my parents house with bbq’d steak, salads and carrot cake. The conversations naturally rotated around the usual – baby talk, pregnancy talk, more baby talk, more pregnancy talk. I had pretty much expected it, so I spent some time wandering around trying to find a conversation I fit into. I ended up hanging out with my 3-year old nephew who is heavily into his superhero phase. He was carrying around a foot tall Batman action hero my mother had recently purchased for him. He discussed Batman; I in turn questioned if he knew where I could get a life size one of those with Christian Bale underneath. He thought about it for a minute or two and then looked at me and shook his head, saying, “I’m not sure Kell-O (his nickname for me), I’m just not sure.” Well…I figured it was worth asking anyway.

I went home afterwards and as usual the residual feelings of not quite fitting in anymore settled in. I shook them off, reminding myself ‘things change, roll with it” and popped in a movie to watch. Then the next day at work when everyone was asking ‘so how was your weekend’ etc., I mentioned it was pretty good although I had to dodge a lot of baby/pregnancy talk and try to find bits and pieces of conversation I could actually contribute to. At this point someone piped up with this little tidbit of wisdom:

“Well you know what your problem is?”

No…do tell. (I said with as much wryness as I could muster, which anyone that knows me will tell you, is quite a lot even without a modicum of effort.)

“Your problem is that you need to get out there and get yourself a man.”

So here’s where the rant starts. Would someone please tell me where this godforsaken ‘out there’ is?? I have lost track of all the times I have had this said to me. You just need to get out there. As if it was some specific spot. A designated area for all us poor, misguided single people to congregate and find ourselves a mate. Only problem is, if you actually ask these people for directions to this holy place, they give you this blank look and answer with the oh-so-sage, “You know--out there”.

No, I don’t know! Because I have been out there, and I have yet to find it, so perhaps you could be a little clearer. By out there, do you mean trolling around the bars picking up college guys with barely a brain cell between them? Perhaps I should accost men on the street? Or in the produce section of the local supermarket, maybe sidle up the ones paying particular attention to the firmness of the melons?

“Nooo,” they always answer, “I just mean you need to go out more.”

Except that I do, at least as much as someone working a full-time job and writing on the side can find the time to. I go to movies, I go to bookstores, I sit in coffee shops, I spend time with friends and family, I play sports. I occasionally go downtown, I’ve been to plays, I’ve been set up on blind dates (that’s a whole other rant, let me tell you…), been in group situations, danced the night away. Sometimes I’ll make a brief connection, most times not.

“Well, you’re being too picky.”

Now, let me get this straight then, if I am looking to hook myself up with someone on a permanent basis I shouldn’t be picky? I should just grab whatever’s available and be happy I got anything at all? I should spend the rest of my life settled into mediocrity that will eventually lead to misery?

“Well no, that’s not what I mean. But I’m sure you can find someone nice if you just look.”

Look where?

“You know…out there.”

Sigh…right…of course…how silly of me.

20 comments:

Anne M said...

When you find out where "out there" is could you send me a map?

Kelly said...

Maybe there'll be a sign or something.

Lori said...

http://www.eightateighthalifax.com/index.html

Look, here's the deal. I haven't been single for a looonnnngggg time. I'm disapointed in my single friends for not having incredibly interesting stories to share with me. Come on women...I want to live THROUGH you.... I asked my husband if he minded if I went out on an eight at eight, and he said no! So do me a favor and go for me!

Maxx said...

At this point I would like to direct those interested to my Blog (Kell's got it linked- I'm 'Let's Do Coffee') to explain in greater detail how two women as fabulous as us could possibly still be single. The horror stories just never cease.

I have one answer which stops the topic dead in it's tracks before the inquirer, albeit well-meaning but people PLEASE. We're almost 40 for gawd's sake. To start telling us how to find a man is insulting no matter how well-meaning your intentions are. And the problem is not finding a man, it's finding a 'suitable' man that's been problematic.

So when I hear... 'You're such a great catch! Why aren't you married yet?' I have one answer that stops it dead in it's tracks:

"Just lucky I guess."
-nose crinkle-

Maxx said...

whoops... guess she's got me linked as 'I Was Never That Into You Anyway'

ces said...

Yes, the age where hanging out with your friends' (or siblings') children is more fun than having to actually hang out and talk (listen) to those friends (or siblings)...

oh darlin. i feel your pain.

Melissa Marsh said...

People can be so unbelievably rude. Tell 'em to "shove off!"

Kelly said...

I'd heard about that dinner thing Lori, but I didn't realize they had one in Halifax. A group blind date. Interesting. And we all know how much I love food...

Lori said...

Yah, leave it to the non-single to know about these things. I was so intrigued with hanging out with seven other people, and eating, while not talking about kids and pregnancies...I want to go!!! Take me, take me! Okay, if you go, and see me at one of them, don't blow my cover. ;)

Kelly said...

I don't know who you are, I've never seen you before and I disavow any knowledge of which you speak. Will that do?

Kelly said...

I don't know who you are, I've never seen you before and I disavow any knowledge of which you speak. Will that do?

Kelly said...

I don't know who you are, I've never seen you before and I disavow any knowledge of which you speak. Will that do?

Kelly said...

I don't know who you are, I've never seen you before and I disavow any knowledge of which you speak. Will that do?

Kelly said...

Oops...see I meant it so much I said it three times.

Michelle said...

LOL. Hey, the dinner for 8 sounds like a lot of fun, actually.

Maybe take up a new hobby or sport, just for fun. :)

For what it's worth, most men hang out in hardware stores. LOL. You can find LOTS of cute ones there.

But ultimately, make yourself happy. If you enjoy being single, stay single!

Maxx said...

I've been to the hardware store. It's a frightening place. And all the guys are too busy drooling over the tools to look up. They get in there and they get hypmotized. Unless you're roaming the aisles in a string bikini we're not even on the radar at the hardware store.

Nikki said...

Great post Kelly -- this one was hilarious!

Yeah, where do you meet men now? I went to Boomers last week for a Bachelorette party, and I gotta tell you, the pickings were slim. Well, there were no pickings actually, so slim might be overstating it...

You're right, of course..you're getting out there as much as you can. I mean, short of knocking door to door what can you do, except be open to opportunities when they do arrive.

So maybe you should check out that dinner thing?

But if you do hook up with someone then we won't get funny posts like this one anymore! So I'm torn.... :)

Kelly said...

Yes Nikki but just think of all the funny posts you'll get after one of those dinners. I'm sure there will be the 'weeding thru the crud' process. And of course, should I hook up with someone...well thats' just a whole other area of posts I can have fun with :-)

Erin said...

Ah, yes, the mythical "out there". I think people that tell you to get "out there" are already mentally "out there" and should be paid no mind.

Having said that, who offered you that great pearl of wisdom at work anyway, Kelly?

(oh, and I have a very hard time envisioning you responding in the manner you mentioned...it's so unlike you!) ;)

Kelly said...

The individual shall remain nameless. I want no evidence should they suddenly meet with an unfortunate...accident...shall we say.